Terre a Terre, 71 East Street, Brighton, BN1 1HQ

Terre a Terre, 71 East Street, Brighton, BN1 1HQ

www.terreaterre.co.uk

31/08/2014

She said: A couple of years ago we walked off the street having read an intriguing menu at this smart vegetarian but it was fully booked. Then in June I reserved a table in anticipation of a trip to Brighton which was cancelled due to pneumonia. So when the weather looked good for a day-trip, I hoped the third attempt would be lucky – which indeed it was. Terre a Terre is a deceptively large, contemporary space with a fantastic menu offering original, fresh vegetarian creations which took a while to choose from. Prices are mid-range but worth it. The starter was a heavenly sweetcorn cake unlike anything I have tasted before. I was excited for the next round and waited in anticipation; and waited, and waited and waited. The waitress came over and was proactive in apologising for the delay but promised the wait would not be much longer. However, close to an hour after arriving and seeing other couples who had arrived after us being served dessert he complained. The waitress sounded sincere in her apologies and then the mains arrived. I had ordered something called ‘Bonbon beets and bigarade’ which was good but essentially a roasted potato waffle with some pickled beetroot and some garnish in a tomato-like sauce (butter bean in actuality). Next time I would order something else – what he had was more interesting for example but he can tell you about that. The best was definitely saved for last. Dessert was outstanding. I ordered the chocolate pot and was like a little girl opening her Frozen doll when a trio of magic was presented on a plate: a mini brandy milkshake; a dark chocolate cup filled with crumbly chocolate and topped with a lemon cream; and a killer chocolate salted caramel truffle on a lolly stick. This truly was dessert heaven and the wait for the main was long forgiven. Terre a Terre is a classy, elegant, sophisticated diamond of a vegetarian in a country of one too many hungry hippie cafes that serve stodgy, stereotypical staples. This place is bang up to date and must have brought many a meat-eater into the light.  Although the food delay was not good, the waitress was gracious in automatically deducting the main courses from our bill while he wandered around the restaurant buying salted truffles. Bottom line: if you’re in Brighton, make this top of your hit list (but reserve first).

He said: What a bummer that Terre à Terre is an hour away on a fast train! If it was in London I would definitely make this a regular; it is my favourite of the vegetarians we tried, ahead of The Gate in W6. What gives this one the edge is the sheer inventiveness of the cooking: reading the menu is exciting stuff and choosing is actually a struggle, it’s all so well described. This place is not just about the thrill of cooking, it’s also about the thrill of eating: it’s not merely prettily arranged ‘art on a plate’. Terre à terre clearly gets that eating out is as much about showing off its wizardry as it is about punters walking away feeling happy. There was a minor bump in the road to happiness, with our food coming our rather late, but even that couldn’t stop us being blown away by the food. The stand-out dish for me was a delicious spin on Japanese slow-cooked aubergine. But pretty much anything on the menu is evidence of the kitchen’s passion for flavour, texture, colour and fun. There’s no mock meat of any sort, no apology made for anything, as though it’s a given that, of course, Vegetarian is the greatest cuisine of them all. In fact you could easily not notice that this place is veggie. But what sets Terre à terre apart from so many others, veggie or not, is that it really cares, which is all too uncommon these days of timed slots, and miserly portion control. If I had money to burn (if only) I would definitely bankroll a second opening somewhere in London.

Mo Café, Heddon Street, London W1B 4BH

Mo Café, Heddon Street, London W1B 4BH

http://momoresto.com/restaurant/london/momo

30/08/2014

She said: I’d just finished ploughing through an afternoon tea book he bought me and was keen to try out Mo Café, the informal neighbour to Momo – the trendy, pricier Moroccan off Regent Street. At £22, the afternoon tea promised ‘the essence of Morocco’.  We decided to sit out on the plant-enclosed terrace, a world away from the busy, tourist-filled shopping streets of Piccadilly. The Moroccan mint tea I chose was compulsive but it was irritating that I had to wave down a waiter each time I wanted a refill (which was around every three sips from the pretty little glass). An exciting food-filled cake stand was brought out and I like the fact that there were two of everything (except the biscuits) so we both were able to try the same things. The savouries were good but not enough. It included a small but succulent falafel wrap, some mini toasted breads with juicy spreads, a yummy small cheese pastry but a disappointing salmon sandwich where I had to hunt for the scrap of fish. The tea was definitely slanted in favour of the sweets which were deliciously faultless and included a smooth, tasty brownie, pistachio macaroon and creamy lemon cake. The scone was as boring as I’ve come to expect but a real discovery was the Maghreb pastries, which turned out to be the most flavoursome sugar dusted, almond biscuits in the world. I was annoyed when presented with the bill and noticed the teas had been charged at an additional £10 but a new bill was presented quickly when they saw me notice (afternoon tea normally includes the tea in the price)! One for the tourists or an honest mistake? Still, Mo Café is a good alternative for some tea and cake when needing a break or change of scene from the craziness that is London.

He said: Tea at Momo’s is a really good proposition which, on our visit, was let down by lacklustre service. The setting is a great contrast to the hustle and bustle of Regent’s Street, especially on a nice day when you can take your tea on the terrace. The exotic nibbles are a really nice change from the traditional offering, and of very good quality, as you’d expect from Momo’s. Although these aren’t refreshed (as they sometimes are, increasingly rarely, and mostly out-of-town) but the quantity was fine, even if you cheated and skipped lunch; but I do wish that there were more of the savouries, especially since these are standards (falafel, cheesy filo, etc.) prepared in huge batches and round the clock for the main restaurant. Afternoon tea is obviously a luxury, and punters tend to justify the indulgence as a special occasion thing, expecting stellar service and setting. At Momo’s we turned up and no-one seemed to know about our booking, we had to ask often for refills, for the bill, and then for a correction to the bill; in short the front of house just didn’t care. Afternoon tea is as much about the experience as it is about the nosh; and without attentive service you might as well save money and just order a sharing plate of meze and a pot of mint tea. 

Ham Yard Hotel, Ham Yard, London W1D 7DT

Ham Yard Hotel, Ham Yard, London W1D 7DT

www.firmdalehotels.com/hotels/london/ham-yard-hotel

29/08/2014

She said: Mum’s 78^th so I needed something on the Piccadilly Line within a two-minute walk of the station. The new Ham Yard Hotel, part of the Firmdale group which owns a number of style hotels in London seemed to provide a varied menu in a smart but relaxed setting. From the outset, service was friendly and our particular waitress was exceptional in making mum feel special. We were seated at a banquette in the middle of the colourful dining space which my parents loved. They all ordered starters but as nothing appealed to me I thought I’d save room for dessert and ordered a delicious martini instead. The bread presentation was a bit odd: a lady came round and placed a mini baguette on each plate. In restaurants of this ‘positioning’ I’m used to being offered some sort of choice (brown or white for example) and certainly checking if indeed we’d actually like bread at all. Still, I tore the rather chunky baguette and took a couple of bites to pass the time. My main was perfection: a good portion of juicy trout, with perfectly cooked roasted potatoes and courgette. Though I was hesitant over pudding as there was no sign of chocolate on the menu, I went with the blueberry tart which was a wonderful surprise; sweet, juicy, crumbly pastry and a dollop of clotted cream, much of which my diabetic dad dug into with repetitive praise (it contained fruit so he figures that’s okay). Though mum ordered a crème brulee which she enjoyed to the last spoonful, the staff brought out a pretty cupcake with a candle as they sang Happy Birthday. This was a really lovely touch and my mum was delighted as she made her wish and we forced this additional piece of pudding into our bellies (absolutely delicious incidentally). There was a mix up with my latte so I had to chase for about 15 minutes after the other coffees arrived but the petit fours it came with were very good despite my sugar overload. At around £35 per head including two cocktails, Ham House offers good food in a good location at a good price. Great for celebrations, business lunches or more casual get-togethers. A welcome, smart addition to the rather mixed end of Piccadilly.

He said: The name’s pretty much the only thing I don’t like about this place. Ham Yard; that only makes me think of abattoirs and gay clubs. But other than that it’s a really good middle of the road option. The room’s done in a bright, updated version of the postmodernism of the late 80s: a lively mishmash of different influences, done in an opulent but not exclusive way. Bucking the trend dominating nearly every London eatery, the portions here are very generous – what you would expect from a country pub, and big enough to silence the greediest, grumpiest uncle. And Ham Yard is set on its own inner courtyard, a spit away from Piccadilly Circus, the hideously busy tourist roundabout which is pretty much a dead zone for anywhere good to eat. On a fine summer’s eve the large terrace outside the restaurant is definitely one of the area’s best hang-outs. Ham Yard does not tick all the boxes, the menu is not especially imaginative or as good as it could be, and the cocktails are far too expensive compared to everything else, but it’s excellent value and a very attractive, convenient spot. 

Shayona, 54-62 Meadow Garth, Neasden, London NW10 8HD

Shayona, 54-62 Meadow Garth, Neasden, London NW10 8HD

www.shayonarestaurants.com

17/08/2014

She said: A find! Shayona is a vegetarian Indian restaurant by the car park opposite the amazing Neasden Temple. The restaurant is a large, simple, modern space. The menu huge! Price great value. Food authentic. If you fancy the lunch buffet instead of a la carte it’s only £8 for all you can eat. We opted for the a la carte, picking a mix of delicious starters and spicy but compulsive vegetable curries. There was a moment of comedy when the sizzling, spicy vegetable tandoori came out in an all-consuming smoke which left everyone coughing and choking (but tasted amazing). We couldn’t try everything we wanted as there was so much choice. There’s an on-site Indian sweet shop and supermarket. This place is amazing. The real thing. Suffice to say Shayona is a place we’ll return to many times. Jai ho!

He said: Shayona reminds you that Indian food is great without any of the fiddly nouvelle trickery on display at all the shmancy Indian restaurants that you find exclusively in those postcodes where high rents mean having to scam your punters into dropping a packet for food they don’t really like or understand. Those places are just like opera or $1000 dollar bottles of wine: everyone’s too chicken to say what they mean. But not at Shayona, which is attached to the biggest Hindu temple in the UK, so the karma and all the shakras are just so. You get your Wow! moment looking around the temple; then you sit down for lunch in a spotless room; receive genuinely courteous and friendly service; gobble tasty, cruelty-free food cooked really well; pay very little for it, and walk out the door already thinking about what else you’ll have on your next visit. Now that’s a no-brainer!

Sketch, Lecture Room, 9 Conduit Street, London W1S 2XG

Sketch, Lecture Room, 9 Conduit Street, London W1S 2XG

www.sketch.uk.com

12/08/2014

She said: I had good news and wanted a special place to share and celebrate this good thing. Sketch Lecture Room had been on my radar for a while but his aversion to Sketch, which he thought was pretentious had kept it at bay. However, following his recent conversion after our afternoon tea in Sketch Gallery, and despite his initial push towards another destination, he suddenly favoured the two Michelin Star Lecture Room. In short, I was blown away. Let start with the room: pure luxury at every turn. Rich autumnal colours, velvety sheen, stunning glass dome letting in sunlight which threw further magic across the room. Just exquisite. It could be so easy in such a place for the service to be affected but it was quite the opposite; friendly, attentive and delivered in a way that made you feel so very special. The food the piece de la resistance. No write-up can do it justice – and we were ‘just’ having the Gourmet Rapide: three courses for £40 including coffee and petits fours. The food presentation was a work of art and the substance delicious if a bit petit (but that meant room for all the different bits we were presented with). I liked the recommendations of which order to have various bits of the starters in (they were presented in a set of three) and all the amuse bouche and fresh bread with citrus butter. I loved that when they brought me my sparkling apple juice, they presented the bottle to me like a rare vintage as I nodded politely. The three different desserts were equally appetising and the petit fours original (though I did miss that old crowd pleaser: chocolate). By the time we left the place was almost full. Sketch Lecture Room is a special place. A complete experience.

He said: The Lecture Room is the only place I can remember going to where the 12.5% service charge seems like an absolute bargain. From the second you arrive to the second you leave you feel like a prince, with a battalion of foot soldiers drilled to perfection to make you feel like you’re gliding through the clouds on your magic carpet. And they’re all French! If you ever wondered, on holidays, why the French are such bastards it’s because all the good ones also couldn’t take it there and moved to London instead, most of them working at The Lecture Room. And you can see why: the building is a pretty special place, very French, in its goofy, surreal maxiness; this is what I imagine the restaurant in Michel Gondry’s head looks like. The Lecture room is the more traditional of all the various spaces in this giant eating emporium (the biggest in London?) –more of the neoclassical vibe of the building comes through, but it’s still got some wild touches, like the very Goth bathroom. The tables are very widely spaced, which is good for your plutocratic self-image but also for the champagne trolley (!) to be wheeled-in moments after you sit down. We opted for the mini tasting menu, which meant 8 or so small plates, more than I can remember, but all very visually pleasing and tasty. This is definitely food which has been handled in the kitchen, literally; if this is one of your phobias (my jury is still out on this one) then you might be visualizing germs everywhere, which will impede your ability to appreciate how nice it all looks on the plate. The Lecture Room is a great place for a long, indulgent lunch or dinner. Another pleasant surprise from Sketch!

Kurobuta, 17-20 Kendal Street, London W2 2AW

Kurobuta, 17-20 Kendal Street, London W2 2AW

10/08/2014

www.kurobuta-london.com

She said: A new local to try. We hadn’t gone immediately as the media hype had put me off. Why are the media so maniacal when it comes to finding the latest hip place? It creates a run of trendies to what would otherwise be a lovely neighbourhood spot to have good, innovative food in a local setting. We went during the day to avoid the herd and I was surprised to find a lovely, open contemporary space with fresh cakes sitting on the counter. Mmm, a possible future cake spot I thought. The menu offers a good range of small Japanese/Asian dishes (yes it’s another sharing concept place) but prices are high for what you get. That said, what you get is very, very good. For example, we had a Tuna Sashimi pizza which was amazing but the size of a coaster with a £10 price tag. The Miso grilled Aubergine was outstanding and the Pumpkin Tempura tasty (if salty). The bill came to almost £60 for just four small sharing plates and a cocktail for him. We also took two cakes away at a more reasonable price, with my Yuzu meringue being extremely good. So Kurobuta is a bit of a dilemma; great space and interesting menu but prices a bit silly. I guess that’s why it’s for the trendies rather that for the neighbours in its very neighbourhood setting.

He said: Kurobuta is a really interesting place serving wonderful food prepared with a degree of meticulousness in total contrast with the self-consciously low-fi, hang-out-with-your-mates setting. You can almost hear the chef ruminating: ‘my cooking kicks Michelin in his big, rubbery ass, but I’m not playing the Michelin game’. So cue the alt-rock soundtrack, uncomfortable benches, dishes that come out whenever it suits the kitchen, and Soundgarden posters. I suppose I respect Chef Miyagi for that; I can dig a slacker with skills. And the skills are in full show when the plates start coming out. There’s a whole bunch of dishes here that you couldn’t and wouldn’t get anywhere else: everyone’s surprise hit, carnivores included, is the aubergine in miso, and the sashimi ‘pizza’ is also great, as is the mushroom stew. On a repeat visit later that week I tried the scallops which were killer too. I suppose that Kurobuta is objectively expensive, there’s no way around that, but throw in so many uniquely pleasing dishes, clearly made with the best of everything, and you’ll be walking out thinking ‘good value’ instead. I like.  

The Mirabelle, Grand Hotel, King Edward’s Parade, Eastbourne, BN21 4EQ

The Mirabelle, Grand Hotel, King Edward’s Parade, Eastbourne, BN21 4EQ

02/08/2014

www.grandeastbourne.com/eastbourne-restaurants

She said: Heaven. A real surprise of a gem. We were in Easbourne marching along the South Downs Way for our wedding anniversary (incidentally stunning) and I thought the classic Grand Hotel would be a good place to end our outdoor escapade in style and to toast to making it another year in this fickle world. I believe I outdid myself, even if I say so myself. The approach to the Victorian Grand Hotel is magnificent and has apparently welcomed the likes of Chaplin and Churchill. After changing in the loos from my hiking clothes to a pretty little frock hidden in my backpack, I met him in the beautiful, intimate, old-world dining room that is Mirabelle. From the website photos I was worried it might be a bit OAP but my concerns were unfounded. The second I was seated an aura of calm luxury took over as a pianist tinkered lovely standards in the background. Mirabelle is no doubt an occasion restaurant; two cakes accompanied by singing waiters made an appearance during our stint here, and you can see why. Service, setting and food were outstanding. I cannot find fault with anything. How often can you say that? The salmon starter, wow, the risotto compulsive and the chocolate fondant out-of-this world AND they brought the tea with the dessert as requested. When I wanted an espresso martini, they brought it from the hotel bar – and not a stingy little glass I’ve had in so many an establishment but proper size. I didn’t want to leave and was wishing I had booked a room for the night to allow for more of the same. I’m already trying to think of an excuse to return to Eastbourne; somewhere that wasn’t even on my map until now.

He said: When you live in London it’s easy to think that it’s the only place to eat, and that everyone outside the North Circular is still feasting on Wimpy Burgers and pickled eggs. This is why it never occurred to me that the food might actually be really good at Mirabelle. After hiking for a few hours to get to Eastbourne I was sufficiently famished that even a pickled egg might have tasted good. But Mirabelle really delivered a very good lunch; and I mean very good by any standard, not just by country bumpkin standard. The Grand was around the century before last, before EasyJet, when people holidayed in Britain, and when the likes of Lewis Carroll would decamp to Eastbourne for the summer. The old-school service might have always appealed more to the older crowd. But old people do know a thing or two about what’s good and protecting that in the face of ever-changing fads. In over a hundred years of serving fussy old fogies Mirabelle clearly learned what works. Most impressive of all Mirabelle managed, as requested, to bring coffee at precisely the same time as desert; I can count on one hand the number of restaurants that have managed to maintain that kind of focus all the way through. You should definitely check out Mirabelle if you’re every down there.

Lalibela, 137 Fortess Road, London, NW5 2HR

Lalibela, 137 Fortess Road, London, NW5 2HR

30/07/2014

www.lalibelarestaurant.co.uk

She said: Every time we go to Brick Lane or Greenwich Market we pounce on the Ethiopian food stands. We just love the food which always tastes so fresh and healthy. We’ve tried hard to find a  good Ethiopian restaurant where we can actually sit down and try a wider range of dishes but the last place I walked past in Kings Cross had a sign of the door along the lines of: No knives or other weapons may be brought on to the premise’. So, when I was on my scooter and noticed Lalibela in my peripheral vision when driving through Kentish Town and it looked like it might be a winner, I returned with him to give it a go. Good decision. Lalibela looks like and is an institution. It has been owned by the same family for 20 years. It looks tired inside but in the way an old aunt’s place might, as opposed to any obvious hygiene issues. We were taken up some creaky stairs and seated at a table overlooking the main high street from where I could keep an eye on my scooter. The menu was huge. We were confused by so much choice so opted for the vegetarian combination dish ‘Ye Tsom Beyaynetu’, which was sort of equivalent to an Indian Thali but instead of eating from different bowls, each bowl of food is poured onto a giant plate over a giant ingera (Ethiopian bread – an acquired taste). The result was outstanding and I finished the meal full and ready to come back to try new things. The bill of course was extremely reasonable. I’ve noticed another Ethiopian around the corner from Lalibela so might have to try that next but look forward to coming back for future cravings.

He said: I haven’t googled it, but I’m guessing Lalibela must be one of the longest-established Ethiopians in London. When it first opened the décor must have looked so exotic; nothing much has changed since then, except that the knick-knacks are now a little shabbier. But this is all part of its charm; Lalibela has a really winning family-owned restaurant feel to it; it’s a nice contrast to all the meticulously engineered gastro temples run with the precision of Kaiser Wilhelm’s Imperial Guard. You just know that aunty was in the kitchen cooking up the magic, because it seemed like her nephew taking our orders. Now all this sentimentality wouldn’t amount to much if the food wasn’t also good; which it is. It’s very good; but I confess that I still prefer the market stalls we hit every now and again. So, if I’m totally honest, I probably won’t go back to Lalibela anytime soon, given how many other Ethiopians I want to try. But it’s definitely worth trying.

Andina, 1 Redchurch Street, London, E2 7DJ

Andina, 1 Redchurch Street, London, E2 7DJ

20/07/2014

www.andinalondon.com

She said: We remain in love with Peruvian food since out trek last year. So, Andina was always going to be a target. Close to what was once little Bangladesh but now almost fully morphed into Trendland, Andina has a neighbourhood feel with its corner setting and casual, cramped interior. The menu offered an original, tempting range of dishes, and with this being a weekend, some interesting brunch options. We stuck with the regular section of the menu and ordered a selection of dishes in line with the ever increasing need for restaurants to encourage you to share their petite offerings rather than make a regular portion for one regular person. The food was amazing. The Cerviche dishes were the highlight. The only disappointment was the corn cake which was relatively bland. We did see giant portions of brunch dishes being escorted to different tables if you did want something with more bulk but I must say, there was a real authenticity to Andina which was highly satisfying. On my trip to the loo downstairs I discovered a larger, more open seating area. I think the brightness of upstairs makes the squeeze worth it but good to know there are more seats if cramp if not your thing.

He said: Someday you will read a bad Peruvian review here, but not today. We came close a little while ago when, following a recommendation, we checked out the Peruvian in London Bridge which has been opened much longer that the wave of recent openings. Lucky for us the Chef was late coming that day, so it wasn’t fully opened when we walked in, smelled the horror and walked right out. Peruvian food is all about fresh zingy flavours. So the rank atmosphere of a pub on a Sunday morning before clean-up is not the way to get in the mood. That was a close call. So, in my imagination all Peruvian food remains magic. And Andina was definitely par for the course; lots of delicious ceviche, and things not called ceviche that look like it. This is the kind of place where you want to install yourself for a while and try lots of dishes and guzzle lots of equally interesting mixed drinks. Speaking of which I can’t really recommend the Bloody Andina, which is made with Pisco, the flavour of which is too intense for tomato. And now that the negativity genie is out of the bottle, I will also say that the most expensive thing we ordered was grilled salmon skewers which were nice, but not a patch on all the more typical things. I’m definitely looking forward to going back, this is a great hang out spot, but if I have to pick a favourite Peruvian in London it’s still Ceviche in Soho.

Inamo, 4-12 Regent St, London SW1Y 4PE

Inamo, 4-12 Regent St, London SW1Y 4PE
12/07/2014
www.inamo-stjames.com

She said: This place is cool! There are some who may think it gimmicky and prefer waiters and table cloth but come on: you order from a projected menu on your table, the food is amazing and menu huge and prices reasonable. There’s also a great cocktail list. What’s not to like? The technology doesn’t stop with the menu, you can pick a projected table cloth, add more food as you please and even ask for individual bills which is great for groups of friends who spend ages trying to split the thing at the end of a meal. Food was quick to arrive, though individually so it won’t work for people wanting to have dishes as the same time but I quite liked the gaps which allowed time for digesting. In a world of standard dining, Inamo offers something different without compromising on food. Will definitely be back.

He said: Like an old Uncle that bores everyone with the same anecdotes over, and over, and over, I must have told She a dozen times that if I was ever asked to design the ultimate restaurant I would install call bells to get service at will, especially after desert, when you want the bill and staff is studiously ignoring you in favour of customers still ordering and spending money. Genius, right? Bob Bob Ricard does it, with a button you’re meant to press when you want more champagne; technically you could abuse that to get the bill too. But Inamo goes one better: your table is a whizzy ordering system connected to the kitchen, and you can get everything, and the bill, without having to scan the room and pounce, leopard-like, on a passing waiter. So you can imagine my delight when She booked Inamo for my birthday; not only can I order as many gyoza as I want without talking to a humanoid but evidently, even after years of marital bliss, she still listens to my boring rants! Beyond the gimmick the food is very good, and the imaginative mixed drinks very well priced at about £7 each. What’s not to like?!

Typing Room, Patriot Square, London E2 9NF

Typing Room, Patriot Square, London E2 9NF
www.typingroom.com

12/07/2014

She said: As has already been established, he’s a fan of Atherton so for his birthday lunch I picked Typing Room, a British contemporary restaurant from a former Atherton helmsman. Housed in the former Bethnal Green Town Hall and now a boutique hotel, the Typing Room is a clean, modern space which is nothing much to write home about in terms of setting. We liked the look of the set menu but there was no vegetarian OR fish option which is surprising in this age (even meat eaters have their off-meat days). However, the waiter checked with the chef when we asked about this and he was good enough to offer us a main from the a la cate menu in place of the set main options. I have to say, when all is said and done, the food was perfection. Pretty, yes small portions that goes with good looking food these days but amazing and original flavours. I loved the amuse bouche of a pesto filled profiterole and the fresh, warm bread that came with a delicious marmite spread! I found the cocktail list limited but otherwise the Typing Room lives up to its hype. Yum.

He said: There are still some continentals out there that throw around the old clichés about British cooking. Just like there are still people out there that think the moon landing is a hoax. There’s really no point engaging with that kind of crap, certainly not the moon loonies, but to the sarky continentals I say just go to Atherton-Doppelganger The Typing Room, or any of Atherton’s places, or Dabbous, and so on; and that’s just for the modern British stuff, don’t even get me started on all the British people from other origins cooking up a storm here. You’d be forgiven for thinking this was an Atherton place (it isn’t): Typing Room does that same to-the-minute hyper-seasonal British cooking, similar beautiful presentation, and same focus on making everything on the plate really count and taste like itself. I’m pretty sensitive to portion size, being Mr Greedy Chops, and your first impression is that the plates might be for the petite ladies but, strangely, I actually walked away feeling just right; I think my brain got tricked because everything just tasted so much bigger. This is definitely a good place; my only gripe with it is that it’s so damned far east, you really have to want to go there. Which you should.

Coworth Park, Blacknest Rd, Ascot, Berkshire SL5 7SE

Coworth Park, Blacknest Rd, Ascot, Berkshire SL5 7SE
www.dorchestercollection.com/en/ascot/coworth-park

04/07/2014

She said: He whisked me away for a birthday weekend at this heavenly Dorchester Collection country house. After a day of pampering we were seated in the elegant restaurant at which point he asked if we could move to a table by the window overlooking the grounds (rather than he face a wall), to which they obliged. The atmosphere was clearly one of ‘get-away-from-it-all’ indulgence and the menu offered a wide choice of British fare. I kicked off with a delicious cocktail. The service was friendly and attentive and the food was what I would call reliable: nicely presented, tasty but not wow. I think we would have left with a pleasant, happy stomach if it wasn’t for the endless wait for pudding. It must have been at least 30 minutes and we knew something was remiss when instead of dessert a little scoop of granita masquerading as a chef’s compliments was brought to us which neither of us ate while he chased up puddings. We were offered more alcohol by way of an apology which was a nice enough gesture but which neither of us wanted but were brought anyway. The highlight, despite not having room, was the petit fours which included a heavenly lavender chocolate. I would like to have been presented the selection to enjoy rather than asked to select from a tray without any idea of whether I could have two or ten but nevertheless these were damn good chocolates.

He said: I guess that unless you lived out near there you wouldn’t necessarily go out to Coworth Park for a meal. But you should. Number one it’s set in really nice grounds, number two it’s right next door to national treasure Windsor Great Park, number three it’s a Dorchester gig, so you know that corners will not be cut to deliver the very best. This place ain’t cheap, and there is no one that complains more than a rich person, and no business wants to listen to people complain all day, so the heavy artillery will come out to blow the punters away. We actually ate in two places there: in the restaurant, which was serving an all British menu in a quietly opulent setting. I liked everything, especially the camp French maitre d’; it’s a shame that they stumbled at the last hurdle with a lost desert ticket, but they made up for it, and it gave us more time to chat and enjoy the view over the lawn. We also had a lunch at The Barn, the more informal restaurant that’s rustic in a Belgravia kind of way. I had a caponata there, washed down with a glass of Pimms, out on the terrace overlooking the fields, with the sun beating down from a clear blue sky. There’s no way that meal was going to suck! I’ll definitely be back, hopefully after a nice long hike or ride around Windsor Great Park.

Fischer’s, 50 Marylebone High Street, London W1U 5HN

Fischer’s, 50 Marylebone High Street, London W1U 5HN
01/06/2014
www.fischers.co.uk

She said: Over the years, I’ve watched a series of restaurant incarnations on this spot. My favourite was of course Eat and Two Veg, the superb vegetarian diner now long gone. Three restaurants on and he discovered the latest optimist: Fischer’s was having a soft launch and so booked us a table at the 50% promotional price! Having got excited over previous openings on this site, I was deliberately calm about this new establishment, even with its credentials of being part of that group which lists the Wolseley, Delaunay and Brasserie Zedel in its family. First impressions were good: an elegant, art deco dining space inspired by the Viennese grand cafes with green banquettes, dark furnishings and smoked glass. The restaurant seems split in two halves with the rear having a more atmospheric, opulent feel and the front, well less so. We were seated at the front but at a lovely table away from the hustle. The menu was good with lots of fish and meat (but no vegetarian main dishes). I started with a kasespatzle which is a sort of macaroni cheese, completely delicious and great value. I followed this with a seared sea bass which was a good portion and again very tasty. The side of picked cucumber I ordered complimented this perfectly. As we were about to order dessert we were asked to move tables which he thought was not a big deal but I thought was poor. The table we were moved to was against some sort of station for the waiting staff and next to the main bar and entrance way, so noisy, distracting and a complete change of mood. I proceeded with an order or cherry strudel which was delicious. When we asked for the bill, we were told the meal was on the house because of having to move home in the middle which was a very kind concession…Although ‘karma’ or whatever evened the score when I got home and spent the evening dealing with severe food poisoning. More shockingly, for the first time I can ever remember, he was also poisoned! Maybe the cucumber pickle did it? When he reported it the next day to the manager they did show due concern and attempt to investigate but alas, without ‘samples’ the restaurant findings were inconclusive. So where does this leave me? Well, without the poisoning, this is a great, upmarket local good for a coffee and cake break or the full dining experience. But there are many great places in London where a happy meal has not meant an unhappy stomach so I’m not sure if I’m a gambler…

He said: The last time I got stomach flu was ten years ago in India, after accepting a blessing in some far flung temple which involved drinking from some holy goblet. The second the water touched my lips I knew I was screwed. But even then it wasn’t dodgy food what did me in and, as you can see from the many posts below, there has been no shortage of eating lots of things in lots of different places. Even after nursing She through her countless bouts of Montezuma’s revenge, my trusty stomach has remained stoically and resolutely uncorrupted. Like some badass, cast-iron gutted Florence Nightingale coaching She in her world record 100m dashes to hug the porcelain.  So I will say nothing about Fischer’s other than I’m disappointed. After years of Daily Mail reading well-wishers telling me not to eat boiled bat soup in Guinea, or monkey brain soufflé in Indonesia… To be struck down by some fancy pants place on my own High Street. What a bummer…

Sketch, Gallery, 9 Conduit Street, London W1S 2XG

Sketch, Gallery, 9 Conduit Street, London W1S 2XG
24/05/2014
www.sketch.uk.com

She said: I’ve been wanting to try the afternoon tea here for ages but he was principled about afternoon tea meaning you get repeat refills of food and drink. I got him on a good day and booked tea for two at £34 per person (with no refills). The booking was for 90 minutes! On arrival we were given a choice of space between the Glade room, an intimate beautiful, blue-hued saloon-like room or the Martin Creed Gallery which was a vast, colourful bric-a-brac space with mismatched furniture and crockery; we opted for the latter. Service was swift, attentive but friendly. There’s so much to say about afternoon tea at Sketch but in short – it was the best afternoon tea experience I’ve had. Everything was presented just exquisitely and the food was more than enough that if refills had been available it would have been difficult to have any more. The sandwiches were a creative mix including a toasted cheese and pesto which was just delicious, salmon on a tasty flatbread and egg mayonnaise. Normally at afternoon teas, the cakes can be a mixed bag – usually for me too much mousse, biscuit and sponge but not at Sketch. We were offered an amazing mix of beautiful pastries every single one a delicious and different experience from coffee éclair to pistachio macaroon, lemon meringue to opera cake; even the scones which I am not a fan off, were warm and juicy with a fig jam. Although Sketch does not provide refills of different teas, you can get another warm pot of what you were having when it gets cold. However I would say that given my point about being so full with what they offer, and the price, I doubt it would really impact Sketch to offer the true traditional tea which does include full refills; this would most likely end up being goodwill but make Sketch the absolute leader in afternoon teas in the world. It also wouldn’t be a bad idea to add another 30 minutes to their table time as I could feel the staff gently clearing up and moving us on as we edged towards our 90 minutes…That said, it was still a damn good experience. Oh and I almost forgot to mention the famous Sketch loos: individual pods with their own non-musical soundtrack in a pure white loft of a space – unique!

He said: What I like most about Tea at Sketch is the wonderful contrast between the very hip setting, and the very twee, middle England ritual of mini sandwiches and gallons of tea. It’s like Dazed & Confused meets Country Life: total mind blend! But Sketch pulls it off, because the kitchen really put a lot of thought into making what’s on the plate as creative as what’s on the wall. When She would suggest Tea at Sketch, over and over, I always shrugged it off, thinking that it was just another cynical scheme devised by Sketch to squeeze more margin out of its location. I confess I got it wrong. For me Tea is best in the caf of some remote National Trust country house, after a bracing walk through Capability Brown type landscape on a soggy English summer’s day. But in London I rate Sketch as joint tie with Savoy for best Tea. They’re at opposite ends of the scale conceptually (v. trad vs v. hip) but equally matched when it comes to delivery. I’m definitely adding Tea at Sketch to my list of ‘Cool Britannia’ things to do with visitors from remote lands. 

Sagar, 17a Percy Street, London, W1T 1DU

Sagar, 17a Percy Street, London, W1T 1DU

27/04/2014
www.sagarveg.co.uk

She said: I’d been for a long run and was starving. I had been looking up cheap vegetarian restaurants and came across Sagar which looked like a cheap and cheerful South Indian vegetarian restaurant in Fitzrovia so off we went. We were the first ones in for lunch. The space was modern and bright and I was looking forward to my meal. The menu is huge and prices fair. We started with onion bhajia which was a good portion, a little dry but still tasty. To follow, we went for a mix of vegetable dishes. The okra and aubergine were delicious but they got our order of ‘onion sambar’ wrong which was a shame as the standard sambar was essentially a very spicy gravy. We thought garlic rice would be a fluffy fragrant alternative to plain rice but it was a little oily for my liking. My sweet lassi was lovely. Service was relaxed but efficient and it was good to see several more diners arrive as our meal progressed. So overall a mixed bag but for me still a good, easy-going, value option at £32 for two.

He said: Ever since spending quite a lot of time in Dubai (home to the largest South Asian community outside of that continent) we have been scouring London for Indian food of that quality (very high) at that price point (very low, e.g. £4 for an unlimited refills vegetarian thali; good luck finding any thali that refills in London, even at three times that price…).So naturally we ended up at Sagar, which is a very good value, long-established veggie place off trendy(ish) Charlotte Street. The food was pretty nice, though I’m more partial to North Indian cooking and naturally biased against Sagar’s style of cooking. Still, I liked it. But I simply could not get over the fact that the rice was overcooked; I mean that is totally unforgivable for any Indian kitchen; it’s like overcooked pasta in Italy, or soggy Belgian fries – your compatriots would never look you in the eye again. Would they dare send that out to their mother? And also the wrong sambar came out; I really am good and loving to my fellow man, giving everyone the benefit of the doubt, but we were the first and only people in the restaurant when we gave our pretty straightforward order. By all means go, I will again, but beware!

Marani, 54 Curzon Street, London W1J 8PG

Marani, 54 Curzon Street, London W1J 8PG

26/04/2014

www.maranilondon.co.uk

She said: He loves Georgian food. I think we’ve been to every Georgian in London so when Marani opened a short walk from us we didn’t waste any time. This is the first ‘posh’ Georgian we’ve visited. I’ll get price out of the way up front: Marani is not cheap. It’s clearly geared to the Mayfair set or a special occasion/client account dining, although there is a set price lunch menu. But I loved it. Every bit. There are two dining rooms: a homely ground floor with contemporary décor mixed with beautiful Georgian artwork; and a first floor classic, more formal dining room with gorgeous original features and a chandelier made from decanters. As soon as we arrived, the service was friendly and attentive. As he has spent time in Georgia many moons ago, I enjoyed his nostalgic ordering and eating! It was difficult deciding what to order from such a great choice of a la carte dishes and everything we chose tasted fresh and delicious. This included salmon in a juicy plum sauce with creamy chestnuts and comforting lobio which melted in the mouth. Even the cocktails were amazing. While we were eating, we chatted to a couple a few tables away who turned out to be the owners. They were wonderful hosts and even sent us complimentary drinks so that we could try a local favourite, which again was amazing. The staff showed us around the place and every second of the experience was just perfect. We will definitely return – it’s just too good not to.

He said: when I heard that a new Georgian had opened in Mayfair I half expected that it would be some tacky, overpriced monstrosity designed to fleece local oiligarchs.  How nice to be proved wrong [again, she might say]! The design is a really effective, young and contemporary twist on traditional Georgia. Same for the cocktail list which remixes the usual list with Georgian ingredients, like the local moonshine ‘cha cha’. The menu was pleasingly extensive, listing a number of different regional specialties, and so evocative that it was genuinely difficult making a choice. And it’s when the food hits the table that Marani’s USP shines through: Georgian cooking uses a lot of strong aromatics, like fenugreek, and rich flavours like walnut, or plum, and it’s a tricky thing to balance everything just right for a western palate. Some restaurants, like Colchis, chicken-out by producing a fusion of Georgian and European. But the kitchen at Marani has clearly put a lot of thought into each dish, tweaking the levels so that the nature and quality of each ingredient is allowed to shine in genuine Georgian classics. In some cases I might have liked a little more intensity, like with the bean dish lobio, or the adjika a fiery condiment like a hot chutney designed to set the roof on fire, whereas Marani’s isn’t quite hot enough. But that’s personal taste and I still loved every last bite. Some dishes may seem expensive on their own, like khacha puri or lobio which are essentially side dishes but priced like mains. But it evens-out, mostly, if you order Georgian style, with everything to share. Marani is not cheap, but definitely worth it. I’m looking forward to going back again and again and working my way through the menu.

Chiltern Firehouse, Chiltern Street, London W1U 7PA

Chiltern Firehouse, Chiltern Street, London W1U 7PA

14/04/2014

http://www.chilternfirehouse.com/

She said: You can’t open a magazine without Chiltern Firehouse being raved about. When our old Fire brigade was turned into ‘the place to be’ and every celebrity seemed to have passed through in its first week, I was apprehensive about booking this latest local addition. But for the greater good of Adventures in Scoffing I called, booked the first table available (a month away), put on a pretty frock and heels and walked down the road and into this now unrecognisable, gorgeous building. I was expecting pretension, affected service and food, being given the ‘oh, you’re nobody’ table and feeling like a spectator at someone else’s party. So I was delighted and elated to find that from the moment I booked to bidding the uniformed doorman good night, Chiltern Firehouse was absolutely lovely. Service was friendly, efficient and professional. The food was original, good portions and reasonably priced for such a joint (£100 for two including drinks). The table we were given was a good one, at the heart of the main eating area, with cosy cushioned corner seating. The room itself was interesting. For me, the rustic-cum-industrial feel didn’t quite do it in the glamour stakes. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a bright, smart, comfortable room and I love that it avoids the deafening chatter that so many spaces generate whilst still being buzzy but the ceiling looked like exposed insulation and it had a refurbished stable feel. But that’s probably just me. More importantly  the food. All the reviews go on about the crab donuts; the praise is well deserved. My mushroom and courgette risotto was a deep, electrifying green and just amazing. The dark chocolate tart to die for. I even chose well in the cocktail department with a sweet, citrus martini. Yes there were a few ‘names’ dining but all very understated and looking around, it was nice to see a mix of people enjoying a Monday night out. I did ponder why I had not seen any of these faces in my neighbourhood and how many were destination diners versus locals. But looking forward to coming back when the weather warms up to enjoy the stunning outdoor, enclosed terrace.

He said: Objectively there is nothing to dislike about the Firehouse, starting with the nicest bouncer imaginable and finishing with a very reasonable bill given, the quality and the location. To pick-off a few negatives [since there’s plenty of gushing praise out there anyways] the bar area is a little cramped, and the entrance into the dining room is an awkward dog-leg leaving you unsure whether to turn right or left. Otherwise it’s pretty much all good. The handsome design cleverly hints at the building’s past (ceiling detail made of chopped-up firehose, etc.) and makes the room feel open, like an extension of the fantastic outside terrace which will definitely be the place for sundowners this summer. And there’s a whole variety of tables to suit every need and personality quirk, including a long counter along the open kitchen for the Masterchef fanatics, and a row of actual tables overlooking the magic a little distance away for the more sensible foodies [where I will book next] who want the buzz of the kitchen but also to talk to each other. The food is faultless, as you’d expect of top perro Nuno Mendes, ditto the cocktails, and the service is very efficient without being hurried: no-one was nudging us to turn-over the table at the end. So why did I leave silently ruminating, as if solving quadratic equations in my head? I’ve never been to a restaurant before where I so clearly got the vibe that this was the place to be; everyone there obviously knew it too. Firehouse is a spit away from where I’ve lived for 10 years, but it’s so slick, and the hipness so palpable that I felt thousands of miles away: it felt much more powerhouse L.A. than laid-back Marylebone. But that shouldn’t stop you booking: this place is great. 

Abu Zaad, 128 Edgware Road, London W2 2DZ

Abu Zaad, 128 Edgware Road, London W2 2DZ

13/04/2014

 www.abuzaad.co.uk

She said: Exhausted from watching amazing people do amazing things in the London Marathon, I was craving Middle Eastern food and wanted to wander the Edgware Road and let inspiration hit. The call came from Abu Zaad, a Syrian, casual restaurant that proved to be authentic in every way. We opted for five fibre-heavy dishes, all very good including a juicy falafel, hara isbah (a lentil, crispy bread and pasta concoction) and foul modamas (beans in a yoghurt sauce). A fresh melon juice was the perfect accompaniment. The menu had a whole lot more that I wanted to try and will come back for from wraps to fish and rice dishes. Service was efficient, great value at £27 for two and we were even given some lovely complimentary baklava with our bill. Edgware Road is full of Middle Eastern options but Abu Zaad seems like the one to bank on for quality all-round.

He said: Abu Zaad is the real deal. Sit down, and take in the atmosphere, the Arabic videos pumping from the TV on the wall, the smell of shisha drifting-in from outside. A minute or two after sitting down, I got this very pleasant feeling of wow, we could be in Beirut, or the Gulf, or anywhere in the Middle East; certainly not 5 minutes walk from Marble Arch! It’s not essential, but I do like when that happens in a restaurant. We ordered and I couldn’t wait for the food to come, reciting silent prayers that it would match the atmosphere. It came swiftly, as food always does in Middle Eastern restaurant, and it did not disappoint. We found a good local! I was so happy tucking into the various usual bit and bobs. It is by no means the most sophisticated or best food of its kind; but it’s nice home-style food, well-made, delivered with authentic warmth, and incredibly good value: you will be hard-pressed to spend more than 4 pounds per veggie mezze. Score!

Ergon, 19 Picton Place, London W1U 1BP

Ergon, 19 Picton Place, London W1U 1BP

30/03/2014

www.ergonproducts.gr

She said: His mum was in town and we wanted somewhere close as she’d hurt her ankle. We opted for Ergon, a relatively new Greek restaurant just off the crazy, tourist-ridden St. James Street. Ergon has two floors with a deli in the basement and the restaurant at ground level. The space is modern and bright and when we went, busy but not noisy. The menu was great; lots of choice of small, creative plates so we ordered a mix of seven. The food didn’t disappoint, every dish was full of flavour including juicy grilled shrimps, oozing cheese pies, a creamy goats cheese and lentil salad and a roasted aubergine spread that you wanted to keep scooping up. But there is a but…The portions. For £16 I was expecting our salmon to be a main course and not the single, tiny (though tasty) strip that sat lonely on the plate. For £13 I think we got 6-8 shrimp; and cheekily they charge £3 for bread (whereas half a mile down the road any Middle Eastern restaurant on Edgware Road will include a bucket of bread with every order. Shame really as Ergon is a lovely place with great food. There are reasonably priced mezzes on the menu so I would still recommend Ergon but maybe stick with the veggie options. 

He said: The Real Greek did a hell of a lot to upgrade the knackered image of Greek food this side of the Balkans, and Ergon has now raised the game a few more notches. The only things Greek here you can either eat or drink. No balalaikas nailed to the wall, or blue-and-white stripy anything. From the outside you can’t really tell what you’re getting yourself into – it just looks like a nice, inviting, modern joint. So I walked in with no expectations, but I walked out really impressed. The food had the fresh, healthy zing of classic Mediterranean food, which Ergon delivered with a modern twist. And the drinks were really impressive too, like the excellent Rouzo cooler, and the martini made with grapa. I liked every dish and would gladly go back again and again. The only false note was that when ordering a dip, like the delicious roasted aubergine, bread is charged separately for an extra £3. If you’re going to charge for it then the bread had better be the best damned bread, which this definitely was not. Otherwise it comes across very Ryanair, really desperate and stingy. So just include it and charge more for each plate. Pricing is maybe a touch high, but this is W1 and the quality is very high. Ergon’s a hit with me.

Casse-Croute, 109 Bermondsey Street, London SE1 3XB

Casse-Croute, 109 Bermondsey Street, London SE1 3XB

29/03/2014

www.cassecroute.co.uk

She said: What some might call cheesy I think of as classic. I’ve always had a soft spot for restaurants that evoke our stereotypical cultural ideas, without falling into the offensive: breadsticks and hanging waxed wine bottles in Italians: red lanterns and dragons in Chinese: and, as with Casse-Croute, red and white chequered table cloths, Bibendum posters and Brel in the background. Casse-Croute is definitely a throwback to a neighbourhood brasserie, complete with black and white family photos on the walls and a chalk board menu with the day’s classic French offerings. I was very excited and loved the cosy, relaxed feel of the room. I went for the Asparagus starter which was fine but essentially boiled Asparagus with a hollandaise sauce on the side which I had to remove bits of pig from (I’m guessing it was ham). The main was a mullet which was tasty, a good portion but a bit too buttery and salty for me. Being London (be it Bermondsey), prices were on the slightly high side at £50 for just the food but maybe I’ve just not kept up with the times and what may seem like a local is still in our nation’s capital and prices fit the neighbourhood. I liked Casse-Croute as a place but was hoping to be blown away by the food. It was just fine.

He said: Casse-Croute does a great job at emulating the typical neighbourhood restaurant you’ll find in just about every quartier up and down the pays. The food was satisfyingly and classically French: technical, lots of butter and no surprises at all – good ol’ comfort food and friendly, laid-back service. This will be a perfect place for me to visit once Alzheimer’s sets-in, and I can half remember memories I never had, tasting really familiar food, in a cardboard cut-out environment, served by smiling people who seem to know me. I really don’t know what else to say about Casse-Croute; it was nice, and I enjoyed it in the same way you might enjoy almost any good, unfussy French meal. I’m a little surprised by some of the gushing praise this restaurant has received. But I suppose that if you are a trend-surfer, then the ultimate novelty is getting good, straightforward food that doesn’t desperately try to impress. It’s no big deal for our French cousins, just business as usual. I guess for me that’s the trouble with French food: even when it’s good it’s always the same.

Keepers House, Peyton & Byrne, Royal Academy, Piccadilly, London W1J 0BD

Keepers House, Peyton & Byrne, Royal Academy, Piccadilly, London W1J 0BD

25/02/2014

www.keepershouse.org.uk

She said: When I heard of a dedicated vegetarian menu every Tuesday at the Royal Academy’s new restaurant I immediately booked a table for the opening night. The sensation of walking through the Academy courtyard long after the galleries have closed is truly magical. A modest door to the side of the main entrance and a trip down an inconspicuous flight of stairs revealed a warren of rooms including a buzzing, cosy bar and a sleek, contemporary dining space. We were shown to our table and presented with a glass of champagne each which got me very excited about the culinary wonders to come. The vegetarian set menu, at £35 per head, was essentially a series of six small plates with mostly earthy tasting vegetables presented as works of art. The food did indeed look beautiful and tasted very fresh and I really liked the fact it wasn’t soaked in oils or powdered with salt which so many other places do. We were able to take our time over each course and enjoy the setting. I did enjoy the experience but at the same time don’t think I would go back. Each course was interesting, enjoyable and contrasted nicely between them; the service was good; the price okay for the setting and specialist nature of the evening but it didn’t blow me away. These days, vegetarian food does blow your mind and there was something just a bit too purist about the food here. It’s a bit like watching a technically brilliant ballet dancer but not connecting with the story she’s telling. Anyway, in short, check it out once.

He said: The waiter should only ever approach my table with small plates of cutesy nosh when it’s Chef sending it for free to keep us calm between courses. If it’s actually meant to be one of the courses then my mood blackens instantly, just like the skies over Wimbledon on an English summer’s day. That kind of refinement (‘my cooking is so amazing that you only need a spoonful because it will knock you off your chair and you won’t be able to eat more once you’re on the floor’) is entirely lost on me. Maybe I’m just a brute. Or maybe years of eating spicy curry and chugging whisky has numbed my taste buds to anything but slap-you-in-the-face flavours. Whatever it is, there is nothing I dislike more in a restaurant than tiny portions. All that alchemy from Keeper’s House, the heirloom carrots, the foamy this and that’s, might have been genius, but the first thing on my mind is not that Chef is the Caravaggio of Carrots, but that some miserly bean-counter has decreed that for the business to succeed each diner must be served no more than 127 micrograms of potatoes and one iota of polenta. For me going out to eat is as much about the generosity, the devil-may-care abundance, as it is about the skill. I want to go in hungry, and I want to come out satiated; obviously I’d like to experience awesome flavours, etc. but the priorities will forever be in that order. There are some good things about Keeper’s House, and the cooking might be one of them, but you’ll have to read what She said to find out about that. I did like the location of Keeper’s House, and that it offers a veggie tasting menu. But if eating at the Royal Academy I will always opt for the much more interesting space of The Restaurant and its more laid back, more generous cooking.

Truc Vert, 42 North Audley Street, W1K 6ZR

Truc Vert, 42 North Audley Street, W1K 6ZR

18/02/2014

www.trucvert.co.uk

She said: He often says ‘why don’t we ever go back to places we like’, Truc Vert is case and point. We visited this neighbourhood French restaurant a few years ago and absolutely loved it; beautifully presented food that was equally amazing to taste. We thought we’d found a winner. Fast forward to my discount restaurant card running out and picking Truc Vert because it accepts the card and it’s as if the Truc Vert we knew and loved had been replaced by an offensively poor impostor. I can only guess it has changed hands because from the second we walked in, something wasn’t right. The service was friendly which made if difficult to give genuine feedback when asked a number of times if everything was okay. I ordered a starter of crab cakes which I saw come out of the kitchen with two other starters that made their way as far as the reception; after a confused exchange between staff, it went back to the kitchen to reappear moments later with his starter. The crab cakes were really bad. A minced medley soaking up a runny, yellow, cream sauce that made my arteries uncomfortable just looking at it. No taste. My main was a white fish, which was a good portion but again very uninteresting, to the point that I am writing the review 24 hours later and cannot remember what it actually came with and cannot be bothered to try to find out because it just doesn’t matter. I can only mourn the loss of the original, wonderful Truc Vert and as Sade said: it’s never as good as the first time. That’s why I rarely go back to re-experience a great experience.

He said: all that I’m going to say about this one is don’t go. We had a good night there a while back, but since then the management has changed. Truc Vert is now nothing short of a train wreck. A train full of children. Total tragedy. It is only a matter of time until the new owner drives this one off the cliff. It’s the Mayfair equivalent of the short-lease pizza joints near Piccadilly: fleece as many customers as possible serving them the cheapest possible sludge for the highest possible price, and then shut and move on. On the plus side this is possibly the most appropriately named restaurant: it is indeed a Truc Vert, of the kind you find up your nose and flick away.

The Gate, 51 Queen Caroline Street, London W6 9QL

The Gate, 51 Queen Caroline Street, London W6 9QL

08/02/2014

www.thegaterestaurants.com

She said: Wow. Not sure how this one slipped my radar. Playing on his iPad one day, The Gate popped up in a new restaurants section of a very old website; it’s been around forever. As a smart vegetarian restaurant and fancying myself as a smart vegetarian, we headed over to Hammersmith to see if it would offer up the stodgy stuffed vegetables and hippie food of yesteryear or something different for the hungry vegetarian (note to self: good name for a future restaurant). As we existed the tube and wandered down a road full of housing estates, we stopped outside a mental health facility sure that we were in the wrong place. We crossed the road as he consulted Google maps and I noticed ‘The Gate’ sign by a Christian church of some kind. As we approached the church and entered a gate I thought: ‘he’s going to kill me for bringing him to a canteen in a church hall run by people that are going to talk us into converting while serving us hot pot vegetable stew from a cauldron’…But as we passed a lovely courtyard and turned up some stairs, we entered a beautiful dining room in what looked like a former artist’s studio, with large industrial windows and glass ceiling, creating a lovely, bright space. I was beside myself when I got the menu. Usually I go through a process of elimination in choosing what I can eat but this is the first time in a long while that I was interested in everything. The menu offers a wide choice of creative, tasty-sounding starters, mains and desserts. After much discussion with him, I chose the Carciofini to start which was a delicately fried artichoke filled with mushrooms, served on a bed of lentils and with a garlic sauce. It was absolutely delicious. For mains I ordered the Aubergine schnitzel but I had also wanted the beetroot ravioli. After another diner received his schnitzel and I saw the massive portion which looked amazing but beyond my capabilities, I was in time to change my order to the ravioli. I did not regret this decision. A manageable portion of homemade pasta with a sweet filling offset by a tangy topping of sundried tomatoes. I really wanted to have a dessert as the many options were calling my name but I knew my stomach would not oblige so had to pass. The Gate has been a real find – probably THE find in a long time. Service was friendly and efficient, the food wonderful, the menu changes every few months, prices are reasonable and the room just lovely. I just wish it was closer to home but now I have a reason to return to Hammersmith, over and over gain. Don’t miss this one – vegetarian or not.

He said: Unless you live in that corner of London you really, really have to want to go there to find The Gate. From London’s core group of vegetarian grandes dames, this is probably the last that we tick off our list; but it’s certainly not the least. The Gate definitely rewards the determined veggie. It’s a bright, breezy haven just out-of-range of the toxic fug belched-out by the thunderous traffic chugging ceaselessly along London’s great open wound, the Hammersmith Flyover. It’s set on the upper floor of what once was a large artist’s studio, with high ceilings and loads of sky and light flooding through the massive windows. It’s decorated in a laid-back style with not a single concession to vegetarian stereotypes: no pictures of the Dalai Lama, no Peruvian horse blankets, no dream catchers, or baskets woven by Biafran street urchins. Unlike most veggie restaurants which either try too hard or try not enough, The Gate hit the cosy/stylish balance just right. The only ambiance wrong note that I can remember is the coffee machine noisily grinding away, echoing in the cathedral-like room. The totally expressionless service from our East-European waitress was charming in its own way, and certainly efficient. The food was a real surprise: full of flavour, texture and colour – it wasn’t just ‘good for vegetarian’ but good by any yardstick. How nice, for once, to go to a restaurant where the typically death-filled menu has more than just the token concession to veggies. There was certainly plenty at The Gate that I wanted to try, but I settled for the wasabi potato cake, and followed with the wild mushroom polenta: at once familiar and inventive, and very tasty. It may not be as clever and  sophisticated as nu-skool veggies like, say, Vanilla Black, but this is the kind of thing I like. Out of the London’s various non-Asian vegetarian restaurants, The Gate in Hammersmith is definitely the first one that I would go to again.

Gymkhana, 42 Albermale Street, London W1S 4JH

Gymkhana, 42 Albermale Street, London W1S 4JH

01/02/2014

www.gymkhanalondon.com

She said: Every magazine seems to have been banging on about this place. I tried booking a few days ahead a number of times in the past few months but it was always full. So I was surprised when they had a table after he called on the off-chance, 30-minutes before we were hungry. He had been much more keen than I to try out Gymkhana as I have never been able to justify paying excessive prices for Indian food offered as a morsel of what I have enjoyed in ‘normal’ Indian restaurants in London and other parts of the world. But lets move on and see what the fuss is about. Sitting very gentlemanly on the posh Albermale Street inside what looks like a former pub, the entrance level of Gymkhana was lively and noisy with diners sitting in what had an upmarket café feel. The room was bright but forgettable. However, we were taken downstairs to a darkly lit tavern looking space with days-gone-by artwork covering the walls. We opted for a set lunch menu at £20 for two courses plus the Gol Guppas from the a la carte menu, which was indulgent and unnecessary but yummy. My set starter was a ‘Duck Egg Bhurji, Lobster’ which turned out to be a rather tasteless, thin omelette with the odd bit of lobster in it. As we were sharing everything, I helped myself to his massive starter of potato chat which was delicious. After a very long wait and one reminder, my main Goan Bream arrived; a good portion and very tasty – that’s more like it. I rinsed the whole meal down with a sweet lassi which again was perfect. The set lunch option is a good way to see what Gymkhana is about. For me, it falls into the group of aspirational Indian restaurants targeted at the wealthy western set that don’t want to get their hands dirty with real Indian food. The whole experience did take an unfortunate turn when I got home and spent the rest of the day in the bathroom ‘evicting’ every milligram of my lunch, and a lot more. As he and I shared everything and he was fine, I cannot say for sure that my bathroom confinement was the result of Mayfair’s raving addition but I will not be taking any chances by returning there ever again.

He said: I work not far from this place and walked in one day, soon after the builders moved out but sometime before the official opening. Seduced by the Anglo-Indian Raj clubhouse décor, I made a note to comeback. Unfortunately Gymkhana’s PR machine went into overdrive soon after, and it was quickly declared everyone’s favourite new opening with every table booked solid for weeks. Still, one Saturday lunch we took a punt on short notice and scored a table downstairs, which made me grumble silently at first but, it turns out, has a much nicer feel than the busy and already-slightly-shabby looking main room. The lunchtime set menu is excellent value at £27 for two courses and a glass of house punch. Having been to Gymkhana’s sister restaurant in Marylebone I was primed for portions that would leave even the most anorexic supermodel feeling slightly peckish. So I was shocked to find myself defeated by a starter of potato chat that certainly would’ve been enough for four. Mains was mushroom pilau which was as good and forgettable as this dish always is, but accompanied by excellent sides (incuded) of dal and palak paneer. It was excellent value given the quality of cooking and location, for lunch. Prices rocket for dinner, at which point Gymkhana becomes, just like every other ‘Fine Indian’ around,  a blatant con.

Menier Chocolate Factory, 53 Southwark Street, London SE1 1RU

Menier Chocolate Factory, 53 Southwark Street, London SE1 1RU

12/01/2014

www.menierchocolatefactory.com

She said: I’ve often found it frustrating when I have a clear, long Sunday free and wouldn’t mind a bit of theatre but the West End is closed for 50% of the weekend…So I was delighted to be able to book a meal and a show at the Menier Chocolate Factory for a special occasion. Set in, yes, an old French chocolate factory, the restaurant is a bright, large room with dark wood floors and furniture. There is a slightly raised central dining area with other tables set around the room alongside the brick-exposed walls and period windows. I guess due to the nature of the building, the room was pretty cold with little help from the electric heaters; one elderly couple next to us spent an excessive amount of time moving the dial of one such heater with little effect. Still, the room is very atmospheric and though we were one of the first to arrive, it quickly filled up with pre-theatre diners, mostly of a well-to-do, older-ilk, no doubt due to the Voltaire performance we were seeing. I was disappointed Menier didn’t have a cocktail list. A Sunday Bloody Mary would have been perfect but they did have a choice of two specials: hot cider or a glass of fizz with elderflower so we toasted with the latter. Although there is a pre-theatre menu, I opted for a la carte. My starter of smoked salmon with a spicy potato cake and orange crème fraiche was so-so. The salmon was good but the potato cake luke-warm and cardboard-like and if there was any orange in the crème fraiche it missed my palate. However my main course of artichoke and sage tortellini was divine. I ordered a sticky toffee pudding for dessert but thankfully a lady next to me received hers just as I placed my order; I could see it was a mountain of sponge with just a thin sticky topping so I quickly switched to the brownie which again was a delicious juicy rich chocolate delight. My latte was piping hot just as I like it and in the size I like it – big. By the time I made it in to the theatre my belly was full and my mind ready to engage with the absurd world of Candide. I would definitely recommend Menier for future dinner-theatre dates.

He said: I love the Menier theatre, with its small, in-the-round stage where you can catch every actor’s most subtle expression. It’s a long way from the giant, mechanical productions pumped out by the West End sausage factory; the jewel box feel of Menier shows reminds me of high school plays (except with talent to boot): you feel like it belongs to you and you belong to it. The restaurant itself has a nice, laid-back vibe, but the food is just ok, nothing special. The thing that stood out for me was how quickly the food came out. You can understand that with the play starting at a fixed time, and with 80 or so dinners all arriving at roughly the same time, the kitchen will have to make some compromises. There was nothing wrong with any of it, just that it lacked finesse: it seemed to me a bit like assembly line cooking. Still, the drinks were nice and it was a great day out, and I would go back, but with expectations adjusted: the Menier is about theatre on the stage, not on the plate.

Caffe Caldesi, 118 Marylebone Lane, London W1U 2QF

Caffe Caldesi, 118 Marylebone Lane, London W1U 2QF

03/01/2014

www.caldesi.com

She said: Been wanting to come to this one for over a decade and today was the day we finally made it. Despite the risk that the fame around Caldesi and his cookbooks, cooking school and culinary virtuoso would have made this place stale, Café Caldesi was well worth the wait. I had booked the restaurant upstairs which is the more formal dining space at slightly higher prices than the downstairs more informal bistro-bar space. He wanted to eat downstairs and took his seat and started to peruse the menu but after wandering upstairs and seeing a room still decked out for the festive season, with romantic white table cloths and windows overlooking Marylebone Lane, I moved us back up! Glad I did. I can see why this place has lasted; it’s a classic. Creative but still reliable dishes, great service in a restaurant that managed to create that neighbourhood Italian feel without the cheesy chequered table cloths and hanging candle-waxed wine bottles. I had a large, delicious espresso martini which was well worth the caffeine headache I had after and kicked off with a juicy mushroom filled with some sort of cheese and breadcrumbs followed by a perfectly cooked penne with salmon in a vodka sauce which was impossible to stop eating despite the decent portion size. I really wanted dessert but was just too stuffed. Having chosen from the set lunch menu my food was great value at £15.50 and the cocktail prices are also reasonable for the area. It’s a shame we didn’t discover Caldesi sooner but now that we have it’ll be a local we’ll return to. Besides, he wants to make it passed perusing the bistro-bar menu I tore him away from (though he seemed happy in our romantic, window-table of the festive first floor).

He said: What stands out for me about Caldesi is the old school, genuine, neighbourhood restaurant vibe. Caldesi is not trying to be the kool kid, or reinvent the wheel with desiccated Bohemian snail's antler carpaccio, or other new-fangled techniques and ingredients. There's something really compelling about the tucked-away setting, the attentive care from the tie-wearing maître d', the shared pepper mill (is pepper still a precious commodity?) and the large, communal bowl of pre-grated Parmesan. That last detail alone tells you what you need to know about what comes out of the kitchen: the food is good, nothing particularly memorable, but perfectly fine. Caldesi reminds me a lot of what fancy (ie. no pizza) Italian restaurants used to be like when I was a kid, and it's that blast of nostalgia that I liked most. I also liked that the house cocktails are priced nostalgically. There are plenty of better alternatives in London, but I liked knowing that Caldesi is there and I look forward to going back - even if it takes us another 10 years to book; that's the great thing about nostalgia: it only gets better with age.

Tanner and Co, 50 Bermondsey St, London SE1 3UD

Tanner and Co, 50 Bermondsey St, London SE1 3UD

20/12/2013

www.tannerandco.co.uk

She said: A curious place kitted out as a school gym from the 80’s with pommel horse booths and leather banquettes. The dining space is long, open and bright with plenty of British fare on the menu. It was disappointing that the soup he ordered for lunch ‘wasn’t ready yet’; vegetable soup not being available when a restaurant opens for lunch is to me like saying a swimming pool has no water in it when you’re already in your bathing suit. Anyway, I ordered mushrooms on toast to start which took a while to arrive but when it did was delicious. My hake main course was cooked perfectly but unfortunately the leeks it came with were hard, chewy and drowned by a very salty, heavy buttery sauce which went cold within a few moments making it all a bit gloopy. At £20 a head for two courses it’s your standard mid-range London price. There seems to be a new genre of restaurants we’ve been going to lately which is the ‘lovely place, shame about the food’ category. With this genre, you really, really want to like the food because the setting is so great and so you make allowances. Tanner and Co is one of those places where I would probably come back thinking a different food order may generate a different outcome because I enjoyed the space so much...

He said: Bermondsey High Street is hip: White Cube's there, as are innumerable

coffee shops. Not edgy hip (there's not a single betting shop or stabby youf in sight) but more cosy, been there done that hip. Among the half dozen restaurants on the street, the cool kid is Tanner's. It certainly looks good with its devil-may-care, mix-n-match and stylishly distressed interior, full of knick knacks salvaged from some condemned comprehensive (local, I hope!) including monkey bars and the dreaded beam from the gym, diagrams from science class, maps, etc. Luckily the comparison ends there - no sight of fag ash in the mash, or mystery-meat burgers.  I tried ordering the soup which, alas, wasn't 'ready yet'. Being a benevolent dictator I give chef the benefit of the doubt, and instead happily munch my way through a too small mushrooms on toast.  Next a veggie pie with Jerusalem artichoke (brrppp!) and more mushrooms, which worked very well, the crust kept nice and crisp by one of those baked-in clay valves (bird shaped!) to let excess steam out. Simple and nice. My only negative was that we had 3 different people waiting our table, a bug-bear for an impatient sob like me. Tanner's could be a top choice in the area if it took things more seriously and applied itself. A for effort, C for attention to detail.

Rum Kitchen, Kingly Court, London Carnaby Street, W1B 5PW

Rum Kitchen, Kingly Court, London Carnaby Street, W1B 5PW

13/12/2013

www.therumkitchen.com

She said: We tried going to the Notting Hill site a few months ago for lunch only to be told they don’t serve lunch, so were excited to learn we could satisfy our Caribbean lunch-cravings at the new Soho site. I certainly wasn’t disappointed. Rum Kitchen sits atop the Kingly Court courtyard and is done up to look like an ocean-side chic-shack with lots of colourful lights and nostalgia on display. The bar is a throwback to the same with a chilled-out barman happily pouring his own-defined generous measures into various concoctions. I was excited before even sitting down. I ordered a Bloody Mary which had a super spicy kick but was strangely addictive…For food I ordered some salted fish fritters to start which were indeed salty, juicy and tasty. For mains I chose the pumpkin, coconut and chic pea curry which came on a bed of roti. The portion was huge and after eating as much as I could the plate looked untouched (until he helped out). The curry was full of flavour and definitely hit the spot. Service was friendly and the waiter asked if we were full which if the first time I remember a waiter ever checking I was appropriately stuffed. I loved this place. Prices are very reasonable and yes the fact that I had a 50% Rum Kitchen discount helped but quality and value stand up on their own. This is a great place for food, to socialise and to just have a relaxed, decent meal. Definitely going back.

He said: My knowledge of Caribbean cuisine begins and ends with Jamaican patties, and rice & peas, so I can't really comment on the authenticity of the food. But what we ordered I liked, especially Her curried veggie stew. What I liked most about Rum Kitchen is the no-nonsense, keep-it-simple principle: a short menu of classics well executed. It's because of this streamlined menu that I ordered the swordfish burger. That's a fish I've avoided ever since being told by someone whose job it is to know that you'll be hard-pressed to find more parasites in any other of neptune's denizens. Still, in for a penny, in for a pound, it was delish and I gobbled it up. The service was friendly and efficient, and the portions generous. You know a place's MO when the waitress asks you at the end: 'did that fill you up honey?' Drinks were tasty and potent, mixed as they were with free pours - something I have not seen I years in London, and one of the few things that I miss about America. The brains behind Rum Kitchen are visibly genuinely keen for every punter to walk out satiated and happy.  It has all the hallmarks, funky decor included, of a future franchise roll-out (though I really hope not). There is nothing not to like about Rum Kitchen. I'm going back next week with the guys.